Always A Price
by Madam Oakheart
Summary: Remus' account on the death of James and Lily and his girlfriend Marian. Tragedy Fic. Remus/OC T Rated for Heavy Language


Always a Price

_There is always a price to everything_, at least that's what she always said. _I can't love you and not expect to get hurt, _I'd never understand how she could believe that but she did. _Could I love you and not expect to loose you, _I sure thought so. _You can't have a perfect life it doesn't work like that, _we didn't have a perfect life I was a werewolf.

Though when it came down to it she was right, everything has a price. We were just more willing to pay it or she was. **She paid the price I didn't. **Better yet it was my fault. **I should have protected her!** I sank back into my chair looking at Sirius who sat on a different chair coping in his own way, drinking.

I closed my eyes unable to see through the blurry tears that were nearly leaking down my face. Then I remembered:

_"You are a strange man, Moony." Marian laughed grinning at me._

_ "And you are a strange woman, my love." I wolf-grinned back at her taking in her disarray of golden hair that spread across our rough blue sheets. For being a pureblood Malfoy she didn't mind the horrible living space I lived in. She'd been trying to get me to live with her in her very nice penthouse suite in the heart of London, but I'd feel like I would be mooching off of her and I hated mooching off of people. Smiling at her I placed a hand on the side of her smooth pale face. With a sad smile she stroked one of the scars that spread across my cheek._

_ "This has to last… I don't know what I'll do if it doesn't Remus." Reaching out I grabbed her by the waist tearing the sheet off with a snarl. Leaning over her naked form I glared at her._

_ Putting one hand over her heart and using the other to hold me up above her I said in a very convincing voice, "**This will work or so help me god I'll go up to heaven itself and put a gun to whoever's fucking head is in charge and make him make it work!" **_

_ "Have I ever told you, that you can be really sexy sometimes?" _

_Pressing myself against her I responded, "Once or twice, but it wouldn't hurt to say it again."_

_"Well you can be. Everything is going to be fine. You're a werewolf we can deal; I'm a pureblood with a family who disowned me because I choose to love you. Doesn't mean Lucius is going to stop sending my all those galleons. We are set for life so sit back and enjoy the ride." _

_"I love you." I whispered right above her lips._

_"I love you too." She bridged the gap and kissed me just as Sirius decided now would be a great time to fly into the room. _

_"What the Hell, Sirius!" I growled covering Marian in the sheet. Then I took in his tear struck face and dirty clothes and I wasn't so annoyed anymore. "What happened!" _

_"Get dressed…" He muttered before closing the door. Jumping up I threw on a pair of faded blue jeans and a white T-shirt. Marian pulled on her black skinny jeans and I love Chocolate T-shirt as well. Quickly exiting the room Marian pulled her long blond hair into a ponytail. _

_"Explain." She demanded to Sirius in a worried tone. _

_"Voldemort's dead…" A huge smile came over my face. The order had won!_

_"At what price…" Marian whispered sinking to her knees in front of Sirius. They had always had a bond that stayed strong through everything and she always knew when Padfoot was upset. _

**_"We won…but James and Lily are dead." _**_My heart fell this could not be happening, I slumped down to the floor covering my face with my hands. Looking through my fingers I saw Marian covering her mouth as her shoulders began to shake. Pulling myself over to her I wrapped my arms around her waist cradling her thin frame to my chest._

_Sirius looked up and saw Marian. Dragging himself off the ratty sofa he collapsed beside her taking one of her hands into his own. We had all lost friends. The sound of her sobs only made me feel worse, if that was even possible. Catching Sirius' eye I lipped to him, "How?"_

_"Killing curse, Voldemort." He responded in a soft whisper that only my hearing could pick up. _

_"Harry?"_

_"Hagrid." I nodded. Hagrid would take him to Dumbledore, he'd be safe. Then the thought hit me like a wall! _

_"YOU WERE THEIR SECRET KEEPER!" I yelled._

_ "No, I wasn't. They changed it to Peter so they'd come after me. You know me Moony I'd never betray my friends!"_

_ "YOU! IT'S YOUR FAULT, THEY ARE DEAD. IT IS YOUR FAULT! DAMN YOU!"_

_ "Remus! Remus you have to calm down!" Marian grabbed me pulling me around and placing both hands on the sides of my face. "He's telling the truth it's not his fault. Just breathe, calm down…" She counseled. It didn't matter it had to be his fault! Her words flew in one ear and out the other. _

_ To much had happened I needed to blame someone and that someone was a Sirius Orion Black. Moving away from her I advanced towards Sirius; revenge the only thing on my mind. Frantically I felt Marian grab my ram but I shoved her away. It was all wolf instinct now, **revenge**. "SIRIUS RUN!" Marian yelled. He seemingly unwillingly bolted towards the door. _

_ Rushing forward I felt hands grab onto my leg. Looking down I noticed how worried she looked and part of me wanted to comfort her to be the good guy but right now I'd lost my friend and need to do something to help me cope and helping her cope wouldn't be my method of choice for my own coping. Right now she was in my way! "Remus, please…" She begged. Reacting I kicked her off my leg and she rolled on the ground wheezing. _

_ "Marian!" I yelped in alarm. Realization of what I'd just done crashed down on me. What the Hell was wrong with me? "Marian! Oh god I'm so sorry, sorry, sorry, so sorry." I said over and over._

_ "It's okay." She wheezed. "Let's find Sirius."_

_ I nodded helping her stand. As Marian straightened out she flinched. I opened my mouth to apologize again but she grabbed my chin and closed my mouth before I could utter a word. _

_ Leaving my crap apartment I did a searching charm and followed his path. Going down a few blocks we heard signs of commotion. Instantly on alert we crept forward. Peering around the corner of the building I sighted Sirius surrounded by at least 10 death eaters, alone and losing. Marian also noticed this and like always instead of thinking she impulsively sped around the corner to help her friend. _

_ "Not my brother you bitches!" She screamed before entering the fray. Turning the corner myself I entered the fight. Hexes were being thrown left and right. All three of us back to back did a pretty good job against the ten or so death eaters I wasn't really focused on counting them._

_ "So am I forgiven?" Sirius yelled sending a wicked jelly leg curse wordlessly at what I believed to be Goyle. _

_ "Yes of course." _

_ "Glad you two lover birds made up now started hexing some bastards!" Marian laughed. Eventually it was down to three on three. Sirius seemed to have a broken nose and a cut on his thigh, Marian had a wound on her arm and a cut under her eye, whilst I had what felt like a broken rib and I ached all over. _

_ One of them sent a wordless spell at Marian whom I tried to block but it hit her and I watched as a huge rip spread across her stomach and blood instantly soaked her shirt. I'd never believe Sirius would use the killing curse on anyone but he did on the one who sent the spell. The other death eater killed his partner and ripped his mask off. _

_ It of course was Lucius. "Tell me you can fix this!" I spoke panicked. "TELL ME YOU CAN FIX THIS!" Tears leaked down my face as she lay bleeding in my arms. This wasn't supposed to happen. We were supposed to grow old and have little basket case mini Remus' running around the house. _

_ "I can't fix it…" Lucius whispered. _

_ "NO! You don't get to say that. YOU! You're her brother you're supposed to protect her. FIX IT!"_

_ "Mooney…" I heard her whisper. _

_ "Yes, my love." I asked looking at her._

_ "Don't stress it causes wrinkles…" I attempted a smile but failed miserably and my lips fell back in a frown. Even now she was completely herself. _

_ "Sucky joke, Marian…" Sirius fake laughed taking her hand. _

_ "Shut up, Padfoot." She muttered turning her head back to look at me she pleaded. "Kiss me and take my pain away…" _

_ "As you wish." I leaned down and pressed my lips against hers. _

_ Pulling away she joked, "Can I have a last request."_

_ "Yes, anything sweetheart…"_

_ "Smile…" So I gave her my best smile and it sucked…but I tried. And I kept smiling until the light left her eyes. Then I screamed and it sounded more animal than human. Dumbledore and the rest of the Order then appeared. _

_ Sobbing I crouched over her protective. Lucius decided now would be a good time to disappear and Sirius wrapped his arms around my shoulders. Kingsley approached me and I snarled at him. Backing up he looked at Dumbledore unsure what to do. While everyone else looked at Sirius and me in pity, we'd lost nearly everyone tonight._

I opened my eyes again unable to bear the memory. Looking at serious and the 12 pack of dear in front of him I sighed. What the Hell I'd drink the pain away. Grabbing a beer Sirius caught my wrist and said, "It'll get better it has too."

I smiled at him and I'd keep smiling cause that's all I could do, grin and bear it. "No Sirius it doesn't get better because I just paid my price." He looked at me in confusion and I just pulled my hand away. Opening the beer I downed the entire can in one go. As if I hadn't paid enough already…

**Well a big fuck you too god!**Let revenge begin…Voldemort would die!


End file.
